4 Empowering Steps to Separation Success – for Families and Professionals

In this blog we set out the WHAT?, HOW? and WHY? of a successful separation for couples.

The WHAT? are the 4 STEPS of the Family Law Pathways Centre INFORMATION FIRST MODEL.  These are the key elements for couples to plan and organise their separation, to stay out of court, to save family money and resources, and to have a successful separation process.

Beside each step we have set out the HOW? – specifically how couples can achieve successful outcomes at each STEP.

…and we hope you are empowered and inspired as to WHY? you should take the first step at the Family Law Pathways Centre with confidence.

STEP 1 – INFORMATION FIRST (HOW? – Family Law Pathways Centre, early neutral consultation)

WHY?  Family Law Pathways Centre is an entry point centre providing Information for Couples.  An Early Neutral Consultation is the way to ensure separating couples hear the same information as their starting point.  If couples do not hear information together (such as when they hear it from two different lawyers) it is common that they will hear different information and they will start their process on different pages, and often confused.  For instance, the job of lawyers who represent individual clients involves advising their client what is in the client’s best interest and an interpretation of the law from their perspective.  When two individual lawyers meet with two individual spouses they will almost always have some different things to tell the two spouses.  Similarly, with the overwhelming amount of general information in the world it is rarely possible for couples themselves to already have all the relevant information they need when they separate; and even less likely that they have the same information.  Neutral professionals, provide relevant information to couples together so they hear it at the same time, and can ask questions and clarifications together.

STEP 2 – Communication between couples (HOW? – couples themselves; parenting coaches; divorce coaches; parenting coordinators; financial coaches; or counsellors)

WHY?  Many couples can, to varying degrees, communicate after separation.  Some couples may require a little help, some couples may require a lot of help.  Each couple needs to assess their own needs and determine how little or how much communication assistance they require.  Some couples will be able to communicate well directly between themselves, without the assistance of professionals.  In such situations, those couples may expect to pay least for professional help at this step.  But remember, communication between couples is always a two way street (i.e., it involves you both) so if one person is unable or unwilling to communicate then this may be an indication that either a) the one who wishes to improve their own communication skill can work on that with their own individual professional (such as a divorce coach) or b) the couples who cannot both agree to communicate with one another may need a third-party decision maker (such as an arbitrator or, in the worse case, a judge).

STEP 3 – Negotiation/Decision-making (HOW? – couples themselves; parenting coaches; divorce coaches; parenting coordinators; financial coaches; mediators; or cooperative-collaborative lawyers)

WHY?  STEP 3 flows directly from the outcome of STEP 2.  Just as communication at the time of separation always involves two people, so does negotiation and decision-making.  If couples are either a) able to communicate effectively themselves, or b) have benefitted from the assistance of neutral or cooperative professional help for their communication then STEP 3 will be the smoothest.  Once again, a smooth STEP 3 will also cost least time and money.  For instance, if couples together can make decisions then they may be able produce their wish list on the options relating to the separation (i.e., the options that are discussed in STEP 1).  If couples cannot make decisions together then they will need to use professionals at this step also.  Professionals such as mediators, parenting couches, parenting coordinators, and financial coaches may be the most affordable option here; and the most expensive option for professional assistance with negotiation will be with the assistance of lawyers.  For instance, in the worst cases, each spouses lawyers can be present for all the negotiations and decision making…and you can imagine this costs money.

STEP 4 – Agreements (HOW? – cooperative-collaborative lawyers)

WHY?  Separation Agreements are legal contacts and they are unique to the facts of each family.  There are no reliable standard precedent separation agreements on government websites because there is no one-size-fits-all.  Your family is unique.  Therefore only lawyers should draft the final separation agreement; each family is unique and each separation agreement is unique to each family.  Therefore it is important to get the formal details correct with the help of lawyers.  Lawyers are also important for reviewing, legal advice and signing.  Many couples end up in court in the future because they drafted their own separation agreements without the assistance of lawyers.  Two important features of separation agreements are disclosure (i.e., provide each other correct facts about your separation) and independent legal advice (i.e., consult with an independent lawyer to ensure that you understand your rights and obligations).  As noted above, lawyers may be helpful if you wish at all the steps, and the choice is yours.   Couples should be empowered to choose any professionals they wish at all steps, and empowered with INFORMATION FIRST to make those choices responsibly, fully informed, with confidence to stay out of court, and to save time and family resources.

SUMMARY

Like all good theories, the 4 STEPS on the pathway to separation success is designed to be common sense and practical.

It is important that all 4 STEPS be addressed and resolved, one way or another.

It is important to consider the 4 STEPS in sequence.  For instance, moving to STEP 3 without good communication at STEP 2 is likely going to result in a lot of wasted time and money when it comes to trying to make decisions.  That is, it is unlikely that a couple who has communicated poorly will be able to make decisions together.

STEP 1 should always be FIRST.  Information is the base for all other steps.

The steps where families can save most money and resources (emotional and financial) correspond to the steps where couples have the most direct control and choice to potentially do things themselves (i.e., STEPS 2 & 3).  However, couples empowered with INFORMATION FIRST (STEP 1), also need to use the information responsibly for making choices and decisions.  With wise choices at STEP 1, STEP 2, and STEP 3 many couples can save time, money and resources, and invest in a formal separation agreement that will protect them both, their children and their finances…now and well into the future.

Time and resources can also be saved at STEP 4 by couples being well organised and preparing financial disclosure (much of which can be prepared by couples themselves).

We help couples understand how to do this in the Early Neutral Consultation at the Family Law Pathways Centre.

The PATHWAYS to EMPOWERMENT are yours.